Change Is A-Comin’

whistles Scorpions’ “Wind of Change”

So I think it’s safe to say that over the last year or two, this space, in conjunction with my Patreon page, hasn’t exactly been a success. My original goal in launching a Patreon was (as I stated in a nifty video I am still rather proud of) to energize and motivate me to write more–to flex the mental muscles of my critical faculties. I think it worked for a while.

Lately, not so much.

I’ve written before about reasons why things have gone more radio silent here, and about some of the personal mental blocks I have about accepting money for blog posts. My life has changed a lot since I started here, so I think it’s okay that this space (and my Patreon) should change with it.

I’m still not sure exactly what form those changes will take, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I like having this as a creative space that’s all my own. I adore all my podcasts and the people I do them with, but they’re joint efforts. It’s neat to have a sandbox in which I can build whatever castles I want.

On the Patreon side, I still like the specific and direct connection that provides to the folks who are kind enough to help support me. And to be very real, after doing taxes this year, the extra dollars are and would be Very Welcome.

One thing I’m sure of is that the reward structure for my Patreon will be changing. I no longer feel the need to do so much critical writing. Those muscles get exercised an awful lot anyway: I spend a ton of time consuming and commenting on media–I just do it in audio form. I get plenty of practice creating polished writing in my day job. And to be frank, the requirement to deliver something specific that my patrons have requested in exchange for their dollars? That’s triggered my anxiety much more than I ever thought it would.

For the moment, I’ve removed the reward levels.* I’ll probably replace them with something that’s easier for me to fulfill–exclusive content most likely. Maybe I’ll think up some fun goals. Not sure yet. I might even move to a monthly donation model rather than charging per-post. If you have thoughts about this, don’t hesitate to let me know! (Comments here, on Patreon, Twitter, etc.)

I’ve become so comfortable and adept at capturing audio, I might start dropping brief ramblings here in mp3 format. Or doing little videos (probably ones that require MUCH less work than that one on my Patreon page). I want this to be a place where I can do a little bit of whatever I feel like, with fewer self-imposed rails.

So if that doesn’t sound like something you’re interested in, this is your notification to un-bookmark this site or cancel your Patreon pledge. I will hold exactly no ill will!

Change can be good and is often necessary. This is definitely the latter, and I hope it’ll be the former as well. Whatever comes, I’m happy to have you along for the ride.

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*I still have some more patron-posts to write, and I am absolutely gonna deliver those. I’ve already started writing notes! Graeme and Donald, yours are on the way! If you’re one of my patrons who never requested anything particular (or I wasn’t able to source what you asked for and let you know that), it’s not too late! Just drop me a line on Patreon and let me know what you’d like!

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Dear Self

This post is for me, but I suspect I have a few friends/readers out there who might find it helpful, so I’m sharing it publically. 

Dear Self,

It’s ok to be sick. It’s ok to be anxious. It’s ok to be sad.

And when you’ve been these things for weeks and weeks on end, it’s ok to stop for a little while. Taking a break or a sick day is not an admission of failure. It does not mean you’re weak. It’s doing what is required in order to get through and move forward.

Even when you feel like you could do just one more thing, or go into work for just a few hours (which, let’s face it, will turn into the whole day), it’s still important to stop and rest. If you push yourself and keep going, you’re just borrowing that energy and that productivity from tomorrow or the next day.

Yeah, it sucks, and yeah it feels like you’re letting everyone down, but guess what? You’re not. That’s your dumb brain lying to you. Anyone who cares about you or relies on you in any way doesn’t want you to help them out right now if it’s ultimately not healthy for you.

You’re important, but you’re not that important.

So take a chill pill (literally if you have to) and lie down and read that book you’ve been wanting to read Just For Fun. Watch another episode of a TV show you are not watching for a podcast. If your head stops hurting, go see that movie you’ve been wanting to see for weeks.

Rest. Recharge. Recuperate. Get better.

You deserve it.

Yes, really.  You do.